I Remain

I wanna go back,
To the infinite, unending loneliness of the mountains:
To the boy I motherfucking love (more than all this world) who was so goddamn heroic on his own
Listening to ‘Lose My Mind‘ for days,
With my Self and the sadness of months alone:
Yes – I am there now,
I remain
For I never really left
Because my loneliness returns me,
Eternally
To where I am no less unknown,
No less alone,
And every bit as at home,
– Without the lying brat who disowned me and these vibranium bones, sacred spine –
God I loathe how much I loved her,
How much it still hurts to be disowned
[all the more given the permanency of my death to her in time]
But here I am,
Parked above the park where chapters end –
As this one will soon
But goddamn, if I don’t wanna go back,
To the mountains,
Where I lived forever,
For I thought time with my family would make me feel at home again,
But I never was –

So tonight I wished I had taken my life there,
But I remain.

Comment on this:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s